Weird Weather Makes Me Remonisce

Four weeks ago I was snowshoeing during my lunch break at work…four days ago it was 80 degrees outside and I was watching a movie in my back yard.…four hours ago it was snowing again.  The weather is a constant surprise here in New England, and I love it.  I’ve lived temporarily in northern California, Central America, the Caribbean and Asia but I could never give up life in New England. 

While Central America provided me with some amazing weather, I really missed the snow.   If you’re a SCUBA diver there is no better place to live.  You simply take your dive gear to the curb, hail a passing cab (they’re everywhere) and get a ride to the beach for $5.  But the leaves never change to the brilliant colors like they do here, and then there are all those nasty things in the jungle.  I spent several months living and working in the jungle when I was 19 or 20 and it was the only time in my life where dehydration almost killed me.   You really have to be careful because if the heat doesn’t get you a snake or a spider will.  I would become a bit phobic having to check the insides of my shoes for scorpions before I put them on every morning…or having to check under the toilet seat for a tarantula.  It still makes my skin crawl.  Did you know that red ants build their ant-hills to be almost six feet tall down there?  I don’t miss that at all.

The Caribbean is nice for a while but it’s a whole different way of life that I don’t think I could ever adjust to.  Living in paradise has its own unique set of problems.  Being from the U.S. meant I was automatically loved when I walked inside a store (because of my U.S. currency) and then instantly hated while walking the streets.  I encountered groups of young men who survived entirely off of cornering Americans and bullying them into giving up their money.  This was before the days of debit cards, when everyone carried cash.  Maybe it’s changed a little since the early ‘90s, I don’t know.   The food prices were insane!  I understand that beef and other imported items should cost more, but even the fish?  Locally caught mahi-mahi and red snapper were more expensive there then at a store in New Hampshire.  I guess the greed in people takes over and they just expect you’ll pay more for it…and we do.  To give you an example, a good burger & fries here in the U.S. will cost you about $10 maximum at a burger joint and maybe $17 at a fancy sit down restaurant.  In the Caribbean, a burger and fries will cost you about $30 plus gratuity.  Gratuity is not an option either.  When your bill comes it will clearly state, “GRATUITY NOT INCLUDED!!!!” in red ink and underlined about six times.  Not paying a 15% gratuity can get you barred from a restaurant for life.  That’s not the way I like to do business.

Asia was pretty close to the conditions I was used to in New England.  I was on the South Korean peninsula and was blessed with snow, spring rains and no poisonous animals.  There were those nasty Japanese Hornets but I didn’t see too many of them.  Autumn still didn’t bring me the bright colored leaves I missed, but the hardest thing to get used to was the culture of the people of Korea.  They are a very polite people and I have only good things to say about them but the customs and food are just so different from what a westerner is used to.  They snacked on dried squid as we snack on potato chips and they eat kimchi (pronounced CHEM-chee) as a side dish with almost every meal.  For those who don’t know, kimchi is an aromatic fermented cabbage salad that could make a seagull faint. They are very age-oriented too.  For example, I was so impressed with the way Korean families care for their elderly.  They don’t ship them to nursing homes and write them off.  In most cases the elderly remain the “heads” of the family until their deaths.  However, I did not like how things were marketed in ads and on television.  They believe children are the future and so everything is marketed toward kids; cars, dish soap, food, everything.  To make it worse, all commercials (radio & T.V.) were narrated by young women with agonizingly high-pitched voices so that they would sound like little children. 

Of all the places I've lived (other than New England) northern California was the easiest to adjust to, for obvious reasons.  I spent two years living and working between Monterey and the east side of the Los Padre National Forest.  Obviously the culture wasn’t much of a change; just the weather and climate.  It was strange that while in Monterey it was always damp and foggy, while only two hours away, King City was almost like a desert.  The topography of the area plays so much into the region.  The first time I drove through Napa Valley was at night and my mind was playing tricks on me.  I looked out over a vast field of grapes that stretched all the way to the horizon.  All I could see was blackness.  Having grown up near Gloucester, Massachusetts my mind could not accept that an area that large (without lights) was anything other than water.  It was a strange feeling that my mind just couldn’t process.  These days I live near the White Mountains and enjoy the seasons of “summer, autumn, winter and spring”…but in California the seasons were more like “fire, flood, drought and earthquake.”

I enjoyed all the places I’ve lived and I’m incredibly grateful to have had the chance to travel when I was young.  Now that I’m older I’m most happy when my yard is aflame with the colors of fall leaves, blanketed with fluffy white snow or just covered with patches of clover.  The smell of lilacs blooming in the spring and apples in the fall.  The sounds of seagulls at the shore and frogs croaking at night.  Where a sandwich costs less than two hours pay and nothing venomous is hiding in my shoes.

Not Winter & Not Summer

I have a difficult time keeping focused this time of year.  My mind has drifted away from deadlines and spreadsheet to kayaking and camping.  It’s true that there is still a little snow on the ground right now, but this year was a complete wash when it comes to snowshoeing.  We only had one or two good days of snow since October and that is most unusual for New Hampshire.  I’ve been hoping for snow for months but it seems I’m just not going to get my wish.  So I’ve decided to spend my free (and some borrowed) mental energies on looking forward to summer.  This year I really want to do some remote camping. 

There’s work to do!  There are two modes of thought when it comes to remote camping.  The first involves reserving (and paying for) a remote campsite on a lake inside a state park.  The second method requires hours of searching on Google Earth for small abandoned or uninhabited islands.  Both methods have drawbacks and benefits. 

Paying to stay in a state park or state forest allows me to give back to the agencies that maintain the lands and waters I love so much.  It also provide me with a semi-safe place to leave my car for two or three days without it getting broken into or stolen.  But I also risk losing my money if the campsites close due to bad weather.  Then there’s the thing I really don’t like about state parks; other campers.  It’s hard for me to consider it a “real” camping experience if there are families running around in matching T-shirts, screaming at their kids and basically just going out of their way to annoy me.  This is why I prefer the art of “dark camping.”

Dark camping demands stealth, planning and the acceptance of a little risk.  This works best if you can have a friend drop you and your boat off while you keep your car at their place.   I prefer small wooded islands in the middle of rivers or lakes; this makes it difficult for anyone to stumble upon you by accident.  It also greatly reduces the chance of anyone landing on the island after dark and if they do they’ll probably be so drunk you’ll hear them way before they stagger onto the island.  On the other hand, there are times when you will run into others doing exactly what you’re doing; and you thought you were the only one.  Timing is key; you’ll want to land at dusk and quickly conceal your brightly colored kayak or canoe.  You can either drag it deep into the woods or throw a brown tarp or blanket over it.  I prefer the drag method because the kayak contains all the camping gear anyway.   At this stage your biggest threat are the houses on shore.  Those houses contain old, nosy, retired people with nothing better to do but watch kayakers and canoers.  If you land on your island too soon they’ll notice what you’re doing.  If you land too late you won’t be able to see well enough to set up your campsite safely.  If you think you might be visible from shore, just use a brown tarp as a visual barrier to break up the pattern of your campsite and hide your movements.  This is what all those years of setting up living room forts was all about; it prepared you for this day!  As darkness falls, it’s time to fire up the stove.  If you’re in a dry area with a lot of dead wood laying around, I recommend skipping the camp fire.  A small gas stove can provide you with quite a meal if you’re an experienced camper.  After all is eaten and cleaned it’s time to relax.  Take your chair and head to the edge of the water with a book and a small glow stick or just lie back and listen.  I recommend glow sticks over flashlights because they’ll burn all night without a battery, they are completely waterproof and they are less noticeable by people looking at the island.  If you need to douse the light quickly you can just stick it in your pocket.  If rain should roll in, just use your brown tarp as a roof instead of a wall by tying all four corners to trees.  Just remember to tip the tarp in the direction you want to water to flow so it doesn’t pool up and flood your tent or sleeping area.  The rain can be a friend a friend.  It reduces the visibility of others as well as making all the local boat traffic disappear.  

There is the risk of running into a land owner or a law enforcement officer.  If you claim ignorance the officer will usually let you slide.  Claiming ignorance to a land owner usually only works if you package it with fifty bucks.  This is about the same amount of money you would have spent on one of those “official” camp sites anyway…so, nothing lost.   Surprisingly I’ve found that the biggest threat on these little islands at night is ants.  Island ants are very territorial and very hungry.  Plan ahead and bring an enclosed tent or a hammock.  Yeah, I’m ready for summer.

Busy, busy, busy!

I'm still spending most of my free time crafting speeches for my Speechcrafters Class.  This Thursday I have to do a three-bullet informative speech about anything I want. I have the floor for three minutes.  I'm going to talk about the infamous "Prince of Nigeria" e-mail scam.  I was delving into the history and immediately found two interesting things. 1) Nigeria is a constitutional democracy and has no monarchy whatsoever.  Odd, since there are about 28 Nigerian princes on LinkedIn right now.  2) This scam used to be a fax machine scam in the '80s and before that it was a letter writing scam and can be traced back to the 1920s!  Who knew?

The bug bites are just about gone. Yaaaaaa!

I normally don't blog about my kids unless it's something interesting, cool or funny.  With that in mind, we took them to an outdoor survival class last weekend.  It was basically a half day class designed to teach them what to do if they get lost in the woods.

All the exercises were about keeping them warm, dry and increasing their chances of getting found.  Here's a picture of my daughter's final test.

She found a high spot (to prevent being flooded in the rain) under a tree (to keep her dry) and made a small bench out of dry leaves and branches to keep her off the cold ground (if it were winter time and not 90 degrees.)  She then blew on her whistle three times (universal sign of distress) every minute until the teacher got there.  GOOD JOB!

We went to a small nature museum, after a picnic lunch, and found this interesting thing:

Can you guess what it is?  I'll put the answer at the bottom of this post.

We stopped at this cool country store.  It was a 200 year old, 3 story barn.  This is what I imagine when I think of a New England country store.  They had home-made onion & peach salsa!

Later that night my wife found this HUGE frog in our garden.  He was there to eat the beetles and he had a reservation.  We let him stay the night.

On Sunday morning my daughter's pony, Scout came out of the closet...

Monday found me back at work and doing a series of environmental inspections through Keen and into Brattleboro, Vermont.

Downtown Brattleboro...

That brings us up to today, which has been filled with speech writing, grant contract amendment writing, customer service voice mails to answer and e-mail questions to reply to.  By this time tomorrow the week will be more than half over.

Oh, and for those who made it all the way to the end...that odd thing in my hand was a tooth from a sperm whale.

Friday Motivation

Well it's Friday once again and I'm counting the hours, minutes and seconds until I can walk ever so briskly out the of my cubicle, down three flights of stairs, out the lobby, through the parking lot, creep across downtown Concord, merge onto I 93 and dive 40 minutes to get home...to relax.  By relax I mean do the kid's dishes, fold some laundry, cut the lawn, fix three broken screens, maybe stain the back deck and write my next speech for my Speechcrafters class.

It's Friday so I'm just going to dream a little.

Hmmmmmmmmm, if you hit the lottery, what are the first three purchases you would make?

Here's mine:

I'd upgrade my 9 year old car to one of these...

and I'd update my 15 year old kayak to one of these...

and I'd probably move someplace like this...

In fact, if I try really hard, I can see it in my head...

Ah, thank you Friday for another dream to help get me through the afternoon.

Skipping School and Giving Speeches

I’ll be playing hooky tomorrow!  It’s amazing how I still get a thrill saying that.  It’s not like I’m in High School and I’m cutting class or anything.  I work in a state office building and I accrued leave time, but it still feels dirty.  All my coworkers will be stuck at their desks while I’m paddling my kayak down a river under the hot sun.  I’ll post some pics on Monday.

In other news I started my first session of Speech-crafters today.  I’ve wanted to join Toastmasters for a looooong time but I just couldn’t fit it into my schedule.  I’ve been doing structured outreach & education for about five years now and this is something I really need to do.  I have to do one public speech every week for five weeks (today didn’t count.)  It’s going to be very educational…and interesting.

Oh, and I'm planning a bonfire for Saturday night.

Question for the Young Ladies...

I have to wonder why most (almost all) people on Blogger are women in their late teens through early 20s.  Do guys really have nothing to say?  As I cycle through the “Next Blog” button I sometimes feel like some intruder peeping into some women's only sorority.  It makes me feel dirty; do I even belong here?  I know the older people in general are too busy working (or they can’t afford electricity due to being laid off) but why is the demographic so skewed? 

In a time where everyone is connected digitally but not physically, do you younger women need the two-way communication blogging provides?  Is communication lacking in your own life?  Is it a creative outlet for some of you?  I’m not demanding answers; I’m simply curious.

I’ve noticed a lot of you speak of being depressed or even suicidal.  I wonder if some of you just want to reach out to anybody who will listen.  Some of you are writers while others are designers or crafters trying to stake your claim in cyberspace.  I admire your efforts, all of you, and I wish you all success. 

Then there are the family blogs.  The only reason I know these blogs exist is because of the whooshing sound they make as they fly past my screen.  I’m not undervaluing families, I have my own and it’s enough for me. I was a stay-at-home dad for the first two years of both my kid’s lives.  It was the most educational experience of my life.  I just can’t imagine anyone logging into my blog to find out what my kids are doing.  My family members on Facebook hardly even notice what I’m posting.  I know it’s exciting being a new parent, but I just don’t get why you would want to post stories about how your 9 month old spit up on Aunt Bessie at the family reunion.  Or why some of you feel the need to post pictures of every skinned knee and boo-boo your 2 year old son gets.  Slow down!  If he’s anything like I was you’ll have plenty of X-rays and emergency room bills to post later in life.

So if anyone should stumble onto this post and actually read it, I’d love to know your thoughts on the subject. Why are women the great communicators on line? 

Thanks.

Wait, what day is it?

Well I’m back at work and my recovery from the 4th of July weekend is well underway.    I was at work for almost 2 hours this morning before I realized it’s Tuesday.  What?  A four day work week?  I didn’t even think about that, woo hoo!  What a bonus! 

So I rolled my mangled carcass out of bed at 6ish and began the search for all those little items that would get me through the day.   It’s the morning scavenger hunt game that we all play.  Some of us play a little harder than others:

1 Cash, just in case I break down or need an emergency whole-grain bagel…check

2 Access ID badge, forgot the stupid thing last Friday!  Not today!  I found it clipped to the belt I was wearing last Thursday…check

3 Car keys, crap I haven’t seen those things for two days.  When all else fails look in the laundry basket. Ah-ha!  Gotcha!…check 

4 Glasses, you can’t fool me again, I’m wearing those…check 

5 Sunglasses, forgot those last Friday too.  Man, last Friday must have sucked…check 

6 Something for lunch,  Luckily the fridge is full of cook-out leftovers so I didn’t have to really think about this one.  I accidentally bumped the door and a blue lidded glad-ware bowl fell into my hands.  Vegetable soup it is.…check

As usual, I ate my breakfast on the highway.  But today I didn’t wear any of it; another bonus.  I have two breakfast options every morning.  Eat in the car or go hungry.   I always have enough time to make a healthy breakfast at home, but not enough time it seems to eat it too.  I know what you’re thinking…just get up earlier.  Well I’ve tried that and ya know what?  The earlier I get up, the slower I move and I still end up with the same options.  Besides, a bowl full of grapes, apple slices, raisins, chopped walnuts and vanilla yogurt is fairly car-friendly.

It’s going to be in the mid 90’s today so I packed a change of clothes too.  I hate it when my good pants, dress shirt and socks are saturated with sweat.  It’s just not good for anybody. I actually heard a guy complain that I changed cloths in the bathroom once.  Let me tell ya, I spent almost 10 years in the Army and I don't give a damn where anyone changes clothes. As long as it's not in public view obviously.  This guy must have lived a sheltered childhood if that's the kind of thing that offends him.  What a wuss.

I’m scrambling to get things caught up at work for my week off.  It’s not really a week off; I’m volunteering as a camp councilor at a local day/overnight camp.  The kids will range in ages from 6 through 12.  This should be interesting.  It doesn’t feel that long ago when I was the one at summer camp doing all the things campers aren’t supposed to do.  Now I’m supposed to regulate these kids and tell them not to do all the stuff I did.  Seems like a conflict of interest to me.  Didn’t anyone do a thorough background check on me?  Oh well.

Nothing Yet

Well it's been about a week and nobody has subscribed to this blog. It's had over 300 views though.  Hmm, is that normal or does my writing just suck?   I'm not sure what I was expecting but I at least thought I would keep up with the approximately 50 twelve year-olds giving makeup tutorials.  Apparently I was way overconfident.

I've seen people who have been on here for less than a year with over 900 subscribers and I also see people who have been on here for five years and only have 14 subscribers. I guess I still need to find that "hook."

Well I probably won't be on here over the Fourth of July Weekend.  There are celebrations to attend, a birthday party to plan and a bottle of rum with my name written all over it...aarrgg!  Sounds like potential fuel for future writing.

If you happen to stumble onto this blog over the long holiday weekend I wish you the best 4th of July ever.  See (hopefully somebody) when I return on Tuesday.

Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

Washington , DC June 27, 2011

ASSOCIATED PRESS.  The US Senate is set to pass sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans: The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA).  President Obama said he will sign it as soon as it hits his desk.

The AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing. We are legalizing another protected class of Americans.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance.  Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (a whopping 83%).

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most inept employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless
worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Ken Cox, who lost his position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan due to his inability to remember 'righty tightey, lefty loosey.'  'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Cox added.  With the passage of this bill, Cox and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.'

Ten Questions

I’ve always liked watching the show Inside the Actors Studio.  My favorite part is at the end when James Lipton asks his famous Ten Questions.  For those who don’t know, he always asks every guest the same ten questions at the end of each interview.  I find his choice of questions to be very revealing about the guest.  Here’s how I would answer them.

1. What is your favorite word?
Nature

2. What is your least favorite word?
Trapped

3. What turns you on?
People who unknowingly show me what’s been missing in my life, and how to be happier.

4. What turns you off?
Corporate greed, smoking, rudeness and people who disregard the safety, health and welfare of others.

5. What sound do you love?
Sometimes it’s the woods, the birds and the ocean.  Other times I crave the sounds of people having fun and making a ruckus.  I love both…in moderation.

6. What sounds do you hate?
Car horns, nails on a chalkboard and public address systems.

7. What is your favorite curse word?
“Frack” I know it’s not a real curse word, but I feel that I just don’t use it (or hear it) enough.

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Expedition Guide.

9. What profession would you not like to do?
Anything in retail sales.  I did it in college and it always felt like I was stuck going in circles.  It never ended well for me.

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
Good job. Now there are some friends and relatives who’ve been waiting a long time to see you.  But hurry up!  You’re going back again real soon.

Two biggest fascinations have joined forces!!!

The two things in this life that never fail to fascinate me are beautiful food and miniaturization.  

As a child I was always amazed at scaled down models with incredible detail.  When on museum field trips I would head right for the model ship section.  The model of the old pilgrim village at the Boston Museum of Science was one of my favorites. Accuracy was everything.

Later in life I started to discover that food preparation could be an art form.  One of my hobbies is making extreme cakes.  If you need an ambulance, a horse saddle or a GPS unit, I can do it.

I never dreamed that someone would one day bring these two amazing worlds together.  But they have!
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